Welcome to Everything Mart! Today, you will start your first shift in our store. As a valued member of our team, we wanted to give you one last rundown of your responsibilities when you work this shift: 1. Your productivity quota must be met each day, to ensure your continued employment here. The tasks you do each day [FILL ONLINE ORDERS, RESTOCK SHELVES, CLEAN MESSES] will contribute to this quota. 2. Most tasks in the Everything Mart require you track down our brand-unique Skitters™. These "living products" must be processed in-store, and at their appropriate processing stations, to ensure maximum product freshness. 3. Work together with your coworkers to complete your tasks each day, and do not [RUN THEM OVER WITH A SHOPPING CART, PELT THEM WITH THROWN OBJECTS OR SKITTERS, LEAD HOSTILE ENTITIES THEIR WAY, etc]. Finally, while you may have seen worrisome reviews from past employees about the presence of hostile [ENTITIES AND/OR MANAGEMENT], please disregard this libelous slander. After all, Everything Mart has no past employees ! With all that being said, good luck on your shift! Please work hard and fill your quota each day so that you can continue your employment as a member of our family; after all, we'd hate to have to [TERMINATE] a new employee!
